I can’t afford it.

We’ve all heard the saying fake it til you make it..

That’s exactly what I’m doing since I can’t afford to pay my gym membership this month.

I’ve created my own gym…

Not pictured is my baby who’ll be used as weights and the jump rope I happened to stumble upon while doing my last load of laundry (I can’t afford detergent now either and I’ve run out of the samples I scored at the store).

Thing 1’s birthday is coming up. I’ve always been able to get her weird, crazy, silly gifts some too old for her age like the huge gum ball machine I got her when she turned 3, trips to children museums that required road trips…

I’d be lying if I said I woke up in the cheerful optimistic mood I promised on taking. Looking for the good in my situation seems like too much work today.

So again, if you don’t have to worry about what you’re going to eat next week, be thankful even if it’s not November anymore. Appreciate what you have, even if it seems small, every damn day.

Georgia.

This post isn’t about Paleo or fitness, my disheveled looks, or terrorizing kids.

This is about love. The beautiful beginning and inescapable end.

My father is a cheater. My mother is a forgiver.

I promised myself and my little universe that I would never cheat. What do you do when cheating is not an option? What do you do when after trying and trying to talk and work through things you’re constantly shut down or labeled as 5150?

How are you expected to try your best when you’re not taken seriously to begin with?

How do you survive living day after day feeling like an underpaid nanny?

What do you do when you can’t keep Georgia off your mind?

Sunday not so funday.

Dear Paleo gods,

Forgive me for I have sinned today and maybe yesterday. I’m still in a zombie like state so you can’t really trust the words I’m typing into my phone right now.

Sunday will be the day I confess all my fat, sugar, preservative filled sins to the world (the 2.5 people that follow my blog, the .5 is because maybe someone’s child pressed the follow sign on accident) Not to mention my lack of exercise and dates with hot water and soap.

1. I walked out of my house looking like I am People of Walmart.
2. I might have indulged in a packet of chocolate covered almonds, I did, twice.
3. I am now watching Glee since there are no more teenage vampire shows on my Netflix queue.
4. My armpits and legs are begging to be shaven, I drown out their cries with another piece of bacon.

I will run tomorrow.
I will Zumba my jiggly, cellulite butt until it screams for mercy.
I will lift weights and drop it like it’s hot (to squat position).
I will no longer cheat.
I will be strict this week and post pictures on Monday.

Just don’t blame me for the burning sensation in your retinas afterwards.

Happy week of giving thanks!

Hash tags.

Hash tags annoy me. Needed to get that off my chest.

I’ve been super hungry lately. I haven’t worked out as much as I should either. Does anyone have any insight on this? I’ve only been on the Paleo kick for about 3 weeks but I swear I’m turning into a ravenous beast.

I want to eat all the time.

My snack was 2 eggs, bell pepper, chicken and spinach.

I’m starving.

K.I.S.S, quite possible the best advice ever.

Once upon a time when I was 13 my bestest friend 4EVA gave me the weirdest, grossest advice I’d ever heard.

While I was too busy practicing my crossover to notice boys she was busy practicing other things with her much older boyfriend.

One day in English class she walked in with an older, more experienced air about her. She quickly sat down, passed me a note, and turned away as if not to catch my childish cooties.

Inside it simply read

K.I.S.S

The puzzled look I gave her in response wasn’t exactly what she expected. So after class she grabbed my hand and yelled, kiss!!!!

Keep it simple stupid!!!!!

Whaaaaat?

Apparently that was the gem of advice her boyfriend had given her to ease the tension she had been feeling of going down there and boy did it work.

She was super proud of herself and eventually left me alone with my basketball while she explored other regions of his body.

But seriously? Keep it simple. Your life, your home, the food you eat, everything. It really is that easy. Not everything has to be super fancy or complicated.

Here’s something easy peasy that I whipped up for lunch…

Paleo Chiles Rellenos à la I’m not telling you my name, is you crazy?

The ones with cheese were for my non Paleo compliant fiancé and he looooved them. Happy k.i.s.s-ing everyone!

The good, the bad, the cheese.

Quick confessions:

I started watching Vampire Diaries (I’m almost 30), I like it.

I had frozen yogurt with 3 brownie bites.

I had cheese and then a little bit more cheese last week.

I’m jealous of all my child-less friends who finished school and got their lives together.

I roll my eyes when I see pictures of them having the best time ever in Vegas, Europe, South America…

I hate being poor.

My car broke down yesterday because I don’t have enough stress in my life. I figure all I can do is take a deep breath, write it out, work it out, and be thankful for everything I do have.

My motto for the week is eat clean, train dirty.

I may not have control over a lot of things going on in my life right now but I do have control over my body. I will eat healthy, train hard, and love like there’s no tomorrow.

Zucchini boats, made with love!

Zucchini $5.97
Ground Beef $6.11
Bell Pepper $1.29
Red Onion $0.69
Crumbled Ricotta $2.49
Mozzarella $3.99
Grand Total $20.51

I’ve been reading about zucchini lasagna for the past couple of days but was nervous about making it. I thought to myself, hey self, why not make zucchini love boats?

For it to be Paleo you just need to leave off the cheese and honestly it’s just as yummy, filling, and cheaper without it. My family and friends loved it so much that I’m definitely making it again!

With the leftover onion and bell pepper I made a quick, simple pasta that fed my brother and fiancé again for dinner. So add $0.99 to the mix and you have lunch and dinner for under $25 for 4 adults and a child.

Tomorrow’s dinner will be grilled asparagus, leftover zucchini, and chicken breast. Nom.

Hakuna Yourmama

It happened again.

After a long night with my daughter I woke up and without even thinking about it grabbed a chocolate bar and began to devour it. I was halfway done when I snapped out of it.

I’ve been in a sort of funk these last 3 days. I feel as though I have a case of forever PMS. I’m bloated, moody, everything hurts. To say I’m exhausted is a gross understatement. It’s all so frustrating given that I’m exercising more, eating healthier (chocolate devouring not counting), and even spending more time outdoors.

I have no energy. In fact I’m only up because I don’t think leaving my baby to fend for herself in a playpen with food and water while watching Yo Gabba Gabba would be smiled upon.

Here’s hoping for a better second half.

I did get a couple great things from Trader Joe’s this weekend including grass-fed beef, almond butter, plenty of organic fruits that didn’t cost me half my fiancé’s paycheck, and veggies. I’m also up to 5 rounds of 20 push ups/20 squats/20 jumping jacks/20 sit ups.

Watch out. I’m coming for you Crossfit Games 2016, hey now… Baby steps.

Fun size disaster.

It’s been a bad day. I had about 2 hours of sleep, my daughter has been sick for about a week, I woke up with a migraine, everything was a disaster. To top it off my fiancé took my skates this morning and I had to drive 30 min to get them, about an hour to the rink, then another 45 min to pick up my brother, and finally 45 min more to come home.

I drove in the sun all day without water, coffee, or a decent breakfast so of course I got a migraine from hell once I got the rink and spent a lovely 10 min puking my guts out. Besides that I had a great time finally skating again. It’s a great work out even with the stroller and a nice change since I spend most of my time socializing with a baby.

And here’s my confession. Not only do I suffer from migraines but I have low blood pressure as well. Growing up my mom always told me to have chocolate as soon as I started feeling woozy. Once I got older coffee became the go to thing but by then my chocolate love affair was in full swing. It just made me feel better, no matter what.

PMS? Have some chocolate. Migraine? Chocolate. Extra energy? Chocolate. Sad? Chocolate. Happy? Chocolate!!

I had 2 fun size pieces of chocolate about an hour ago. You have good days and bad days the important thing is to not give up.

P.S. I still have a motherfucking migraine!

November pain.

I’ve been writing a lot, tagging my posts as fitness related but what the hell have I actually been doing? Not much. In my defense, I carry around 22lbs on my hip all day, every day. I sporadically do Zumba, walk on the treadmill, work out DVDs…

It’s not enough. I know. Starting today I promise to do push ups, abs, and squats every day. I’m going to go to the gym at least 3x a week. Go for walks with my baby, stroller skate, the possibilities are endless. I might even do chores in high heels.

Every one says fat season has officially started, I say I’m going to rock the hell out of a skanky classy dress Christmas Eve. November pain, I’m ready.