The hip and the hop.

“I’ve decided we’re not going to be fat anymore,” my annoying fiancé proudly announced.

5 minutes later his idea of a healthy late night snack was 4 slices of cinnamon bread with peanut butter and bananas.

I excused myself from that madness tonight and had grilled chicken with a handful of grapes. I didn’t get to go to the Crossfit gym because my fiancé is being a dick and I’ve been neglecting my one-on-one time with Thing 1.

Yes, I refer to my two kids as Thing 1 and Thing 2.

So instead of driving an hour to Crossfit we opted to go to the gym and take hip hop which made me grind my hips in ways I didn’t think I could anymore. Afterwards, we headed off to Barnes & Noble for some well deserved hot chocolate and girly chit chat.

Maybe I’ll spice up my life by going to the gym in the morning tomorrow.

Exciting.

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Good vibrations.

Power outage. Spoiled groceries. Broken laptop courtesy of Thing 1.

Just some more things I can add to a week of suck.

But let’s get one thing clear. When I write about not having money, post pictures of red and yellow notices, mention things and places I can’t afford I don’t do it with the desire to create some sort of online pity party. I complain because I want people who have enough or extra to take a deep breath and be thankful for not having to pick up pennies out of necessity.

There are people who are in worst situations than I am and I’m thankful for every day I’m alive and given another chance to make the best out of what I have. My two beautiful children, a fiancé who looks the other way when I don’t have the energy to shave my legs for weeks, and the most supportive parents a girl could ask for.

Life is hard, even for people who might have it all.

I found myself staring at all my new white hair a couple of days ago and wondering how much time I’ve wasted being bitter these last 2 years. Enough.

Enough.

I will still have a bad ass attitude, sass for days, and add two snaps and a twist when I feel the need no matter what but the bitterness?

Tossing that heavy, stale, unnecessary baggage out of my life.

I’m fully committing myself to being happy, healthy and fit.

Crossfit for the first time ever tonight, Paleo 4EVA, and the possibility of my fiancé finally getting a job! I’m crying sweet salty tears of joy, hope really is a beautiful thing to have. Never ever give up.

Laugh, love, appreciate.

Monday.

Zzzzzzz.

That’s what happened while I was writing last night… But here’s what I wrote.

I was going to post pictures today but I was too busy working out, twice. I managed to eat 90% Paleo with my only two slip ups happening during breakfast.

I had a tsp of sour cream and a tsp of peanut butter.

I did about 1.8 hours of cardio, including Zumba and lifted weights like a really weak boss.

And even though I only have $79 in the bank and have just enough to buy diapers and some questionable meat I refuse to lose hope.

I’m going to make it through this.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Crossing my fingers I come out looking like Annie Thorisdottir.

Gluten free.

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It’s been one of those days. I seriously don’t know if I’m forever PMS’ing or if I’m just 29 going on 67.

I want to take the time to admit what may already be obvious.

I’m an emotional overeater. This week has by far been the worst in a long time.

While I actually researched and took the time to cook a Paleo friendly Thanksgiving dinner the rest of the week has been horrible.

I’ve eaten tons of bread, milk chocolate (which I absolutely hate), sour cream (ick), and fast food. I feel bloated, emotional, and know for a fact I’ve gained weight. I cringe just thinking about the pictures I said I would post Monday. You’d think I’d be more diligent about my eating and exercise and trust me I want to be but for some reason I’m overwhelmed.

I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or the stress over not knowing if we’re going to make ends that’s just sucking every ounce of energy out of me and leaving me barely breathing but I have to snap out of it, now.

I haven’t gone to the gym once. I’ve made horrible food choices. I’ve even been sneaking sips of soda. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

Am I pregnant? Is it hormonal? Should I seek out some sort of support group?

Sunday not so funday.

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Dear Paleo gods,

Forgive me for I have sinned today and maybe yesterday. I’m still in a zombie like state so you can’t really trust the words I’m typing into my phone right now.

Sunday will be the day I confess all my fat, sugar, preservative filled sins to the world (the 2.5 people that follow my blog, the .5 is because maybe someone’s child pressed the follow sign on accident) Not to mention my lack of exercise and dates with hot water and soap.

1. I walked out of my house looking like I am People of Walmart.
2. I might have indulged in a packet of chocolate covered almonds, I did, twice.
3. I am now watching Glee since there are no more teenage vampire shows on my Netflix queue.
4. My armpits and legs are begging to be shaven, I drown out their cries with another piece of bacon.

I will run tomorrow.
I will Zumba my jiggly, cellulite butt until it screams for mercy.
I will lift weights and drop it like it’s hot (to squat position).
I will no longer cheat.
I will be strict this week and post pictures on Monday.

Just don’t blame me for the burning sensation in your retinas afterwards.

Happy week of giving thanks!

Surrounded by the sick.

The main problem with hanging out with younger girls is their selfishness.

They not only want all the attention, they demand it. They have no respect for your feelings and to hell with compromise.

I was up with two chicks all night and the party hasn’t stopped. Between one yelling for me every 2 minutes and the other one demanding shots of breast milk every 2 hours my sanity decided to jump ship around 1 this morning.

With all the madness around my house this morning and with the two sicklies playing tether ball with my nerves I just had to have toast for breakfast. It was the only thing I had time for. I topped it off with almond butter and a drizzle of honey so there you have it. I also added 1/2 a tsp of sugar to my coffee which gives me the sads because I was thisclose to just going black.

I feel great though. Great? Yeah, I said it. Even with all my ups and downs (the occasional chocolate binge) I’m so thankful for giving Paleo a chance. I haven’t eaten this clean and healthy for years and damn did all those bad food choices sneak up on me and hit me hard.

You’re a dirty player junk food. I demand a rematch.

But bread aside I already feel like I’m on team Charlie Sheen just by not stuffing my face with a chocolate bar this morning. That’s right, even covered in puke and poop this lady right here is winning!

My 5 minute dream of becoming a literary genius is over now though…

Back to that mama grind.

Lookin’ good spinach baby.

Yeeeeeaaah.

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Lunch has been fast, simple, and full of spinach. It cost me a little under $4 for two bags of the good ol’ organic stuff and I still have enough for tomorrow. Red onion and tomatoes are a must and my protein is usually chicken or ground beef. I eat an avocado every other day or make guacamole for the whole family to enjoy. Sometimes I even get crazy and throw in some almonds, I know. Living on the edge is what I do.

On the fitness side of things I’ve been doing research on the Crossfit facilities around the area. While non of them are close by most of them offer a free Saturday workout for the community to try which is awesome. I’ve called a couple of places and plan on observing some classes next week since I don’t have the money to even think about signing up for a membership.

Now if you’ll excuse me I smell something burning in my kitchen. Can’t wait to post some progress pictures!

Quick confessions:
1. Finished watching season of teenage vampire show.
2. Ate a bag of chocolate covered almonds that set me back 440 calories!! Yikes.
3. Rolled my eyes and cursed under my breath way too many times to count this week.